Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently the secret to your success is patron
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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