Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
