my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
