I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
