I smell stomach acid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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