we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
