her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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