I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we're so committed to being not committed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
