i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
