He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
