how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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