he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
babies were throwing up all over the place
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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