he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
