Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
