I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
