Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
vagina is talking i cant
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My feet surprised me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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