am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my liver is dry heaving
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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