you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
