hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there's paper in my vomit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
