People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
