I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
