i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
