Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
