I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
