Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
