she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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