But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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