he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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