it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
