Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
