I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
