He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
