the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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