We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize