your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
