Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
