last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
