Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
