You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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