just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
