just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
