i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
