My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
