Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
