Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
