i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
no you cant smoke seaweed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
