please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
