dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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