UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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