whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Randomize
