Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
