So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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