come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize