I hate all girls vehemently.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
