the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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