the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
