yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
