You smell like a Billy Joel song
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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