I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
