If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
