4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
