Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
tell me about the eggs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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