Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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