So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
