Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
