The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize