Will you blow on my dice?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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