dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
