i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
