sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
