Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
