my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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