Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
